4.30.2007

23:32

i need you.
seriously.
to support me.
to keep me company.
make sure i'm not suicidal.

--------
{beautiful lady}

01:37

bread and water to keep me alive for the next few weeks.
need to scrimp and save.

--------
{beautiful lady}

01:11

i would love to be loved one day.
-but i can't be distracted at this point of time.-

--------
{beautiful lady}

01:08

i would love to be selfish one day.
self-centered.
mean.
bitchy.
evil.
quiet.
hated.
one day.
and see whether i'll enjoy it.
maybe the world will be a better place.
with lesser people caring about me.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.29.2007

23:34

sport's camp helper dance.
damn funny.
hahahha.

--------
{beautiful lady}

23:27

i'd love to run across a busy street one day.
and see what'd happen.
or jumping off a building.
or jump through a ring of fire.
run through a field of land-mines.
challenge death.
maybe i really like death.

--------
{beautiful lady}

23:21

is this what i really want.
is this want i can only achieve.
i need to get to higher levels.
to at least get some accomplishments in life.
can i ever?

--------
{beautiful lady}

23:16

deep trouble.

--------
{beautiful lady}

21:09

i still remember that time during sports camp.
one game during the the last day.
me and shu hui were walking around pulling people's shorts down when they were blind-folded.
laughed till stomach cramp.
ahah.
damn funny.
and i toppled onto the ground.
laughing like i'm having fits.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.28.2007

23:12

prefer scandals over (whatever you want here).
don't know why.
maybe trust.
or for fun.
or just the constrains.

--------
{beautiful lady}

22:07

was in the car just now with him, her and her.
was on our way to the airport to pick up her and her.
then i told him.
your s***** is a very pretty, very attractive and very charming woman.
hahhaah.
and everyone in the car just started fake puking.
hahahaha.
damn funny.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.27.2007

23:59

i like being emo.
although it makes me think alot.
making me all tear eyed.
but still i crave for this feeling.
it's like 2 faces of me.
totally opposites.

--------
{beautiful lady}

23:57

-are you sure it's me you want?-
the constant thoughts that run through minds.

--------
{beautiful lady}

23:27

i feel like dialling your number.
and cry over the phone.
tell all my deepest darkest secrets that no one knows.
only me.
just the thought tempts me so much.

--------
{beautiful lady}

23:08

if you really want to know what's wrong with me.
why don't you just find out yourself.
although you're the only one that knows me the most.
but you don't know enough to stop me from doing the stuff i love most.

--------
{beautiful lady}

23:01

will be super busy next week.
don't even know whether i'll even have time to catch my breath.
taekwondo classes on tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday and sunday.
so damn busy.
imagine.
having to travel to bishan, pasir ris, pines and clementi for all these classes.
and school ends like late.
i'm tired.
really.
i just want my own freedom.
and everything.
can you like please let go of me.
i really am tired.

--------
{beautiful lady}

22:54

should i quit taekwondo?
and bear all the consequences that will happen.
and not regret the decision of quitting.
troubled.
tired.

--------
{beautiful lady}

15:19

migraines are driving me crazy!!

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.26.2007

21:30

who am i?

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.24.2007

18:47

is this really me?
am i really this nice?
or am i putting on an act?
what if i'm a real-life stuck-up bitch?
will i ever become one?
am i ever myself?
what is the real me?
when will i ever know which is the real me?

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.23.2007

00:50

-take it all off, and let me feel that hot, sexy bod of yours.-

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.22.2007

15:54

emo songs on my playlist.
mood's been low these few days.
it seems as though everything is dull.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.21.2007

22:36

how i wish i was 17 again.
being legal is so tiring.
i have to do all his stuff for him.
betting.
alcohol.
shows.
driving.
etcetera.
so tiring.
the troubles that come along with the age 18.
1 1/2 month into it.
and i'm already sick and tired of being an adult.

--------
{beautiful lady}

22:24

everytime i do something.
like step into a plane.
walk down a flight of stairs.
going on board a car.
holding a pair of chopsticks.
i will always imagine how i would die if i weren't careful.
or if an accident happen.
like the plane exploding.
the chopsticks jutting into my throat.
rolling down the stairs.
the car meeting in an accident.
etcetera.
maybe i'll die tonight.
of suffocation by my pillows.

--------
{beautiful lady}

21:53

feel better.
maybe it's the company.
maybe it's the food.
maybe it's just time passing.
but i'm still thinking.
ain't emo already though.

--------
{beautiful lady}

14:46

but when?

--------
{beautiful lady}

14:12

tearing.

--------
{beautiful lady}

13:25

Pisces - Symbol of The Fish

As the twelfth sign of the zodiac, Pisces represents the twelfth and final stage in the evolution of man and his place in the universe. Here, the desire is to use all that has been learned and assimilated in order to gain perfection; of man as an individual and humanity as a whole. This perfection leads man to his rightful place in the universe. Though not all Pisceans occupy their time with such lofty aspirations as attaining their rightful place in the universe, the notion of perfection is a strong factor in their personality. They find it difficult to deal with people and situations that do not live up to their idealized images. It isn't that they can't see things clearly, they just don't want to accept things as they really are. Seeking greater perfection than the real world is capable of producing, they often turn to religion or other spiritual and philosophical disciplines.

Their natures tend to be too otherworldly for the practical purposes of living in this world as it is. They sometimes exist emotionally rather than rationally, instinctively more than intellectually (depending on how they are aspected). They long to be recognized as greatly creative. They also dislike disciple and confinement. The nine-to-five life is not for them. Any rebellion they make against convention is personal, however, as they often times do not have the energy or motivation to battle against the Establishment.

Pisceans tend to withdraw into a dream world where their qualities can bring mental satisfaction and sometimes, fame and financial reward for they are extremely gifted artistically. They are also versatile and intuitive, have quick understanding, observe and listen well, and are receptive to new ideas and atmospheres. All these factors can combine to produce remarkable creativity in literature, music and art. They may count among their gifts mediumistic qualities which can give them a feeling that their best work comes from outside themselves, "Whispered beyond the misted curtains, screening this world from that." Even when they cannot express themselves creatively they have a greater than average instinct for, and love of, beauty in art and nature, a catlike appreciation of luxury and pleasure, and a yearning for new sensations and travel to remote, exotic places.

Pisceans react emotionally to everything they experience in life. Before they take physical action, before they sort out the practicality of what they are doing, and before they reason things out intellectually, they give in to their feelings. Compassionate and fair-minded, they are not at all afraid to bend unbreakable rules if the situation demands a more humane approach. They make excellent judges, sensitive administrators, and inspirational teachers. Their surplus of emotions implies an addictive nature, and thus it is necessary to avoid habit-forming drugs and other substances. To maintain their emotional equilibrium, they need a private spot or at least a private time for daily retreat and relaxation. The most creatively stimulating and soothing environment for Pisceans is near water, preferably the ocean.

The modern ruler of Pisces is Neptune, planet of the spiritual and sensitive qualities in man. Ancient astrologers assigned Pisces Jupiter, a planet also associated with spirituality as well as thirst for knowledge and understanding. These planets represent similar traits and both of them influence Piscean personalities. They are idealistic, sensitive, and love to play martyr. They are often shy and would much rather impersonate someone else than be themselves. That's why so many are actors, artists, writers, and dreamers. Their association with elusive Neptune makes it hard to predict how Pisceans will develop. Some of them are neat and well organized, while others become slovenly and careless. Personal habits are often a direct reflection of emotional reactions to their environment. Their imaginations are limitless, an ability that makes them successful writers of fiction or turns them into pathological liars. Unique ability to understand the abstract can make them gifted mathematicians and theorists, or it can put them so out of touch with reality that they make no sense at all.

In their employment they are better working either by themselves or in subordinate positions. Their talents are individual in a commercial business or similar undertaking. They would be afraid to manage more than a small department, worrying always that they would fail in a crisis. They can make fair secretaries and bookkeepers. Their sympathy equips them for work in charities catering for the needy, as nurses looking after the sick and as veterinary surgeons caring for animals. As librarians or astronomers they can satisfy their mental wanderlust, and their fondness for "faraway places with strange-sounding names" may turn them into sailors or travellers. Many architects and lawyers are Pisceans, and when the creative abilities are combined with gifts of imitation and the ability to enter into the feelings of others, Pisceans find their fulfillment on the stage. Their psychic and spiritual qualities can lead them into careers in the church or as mediums and mystics. They may find an outlet for their creativity as caterers, and are said to make good detectives because they can imagine themselves in the place of criminals and understand how their minds would work. In technical occupations they are well employed in dealing with anaesthetics, fluids, gases and plastics. Because of their lively versatility and inability to concentrate overmuch on any one project, Pisceans often simultaneously follow more than one occupation.

Pisces are very special people whose sensitivity and awareness will always appeal to a select group. Pisces are capable of high intellectual achievement and their magnetic, mysterious, engaging and delightful personality is heightened by an intriguing sense of drama. Creative and intensely imaginative, Pisces are more successful as a writer, musician, or artist. Pisces is the sign of the poet and the dreamer; they strive to create a world that comes closer to their own unique vision.

The Pisces lover as an individual has an idealistic view of love and romance. Because of their sensitivity, they often prefer a fairy tale scenario to the real thing. To Pisces, there is no difference between love, affection, and romance. A Pisces needs all three. The Pisces individual who is deeply in love may sacrifice themselves for their lover.

The Pisces friend commitment to easing the pain of others often draws them to less fortunate individuals, but pity is not involved. Pisces are sympathetic listeners, they a have strong link to the past and are likely to keep the same friends for years. Also, because of their intense family ties, Pisces natives may count a sibling or other relative among their closest friends. Pisces is also loyal, unselfish, and generous, always ready to help a friend who has fallen on hard times. Naturally kind, with a deep appreciation for the inner qualities of others, they are not concerned with the superficial and with what others see on the surface. PISCES look at the inner soul, the essence. There is no more sensitive, perceptive friend, nor one more warmhearted, caring, devoted and sentimental.

Piscean colors are pale green, purple, rose, and gray-blue. Vulnerable parts of the body are the feet and lymphatic system. Swelling, allergic reaction to drugs, and sore feet are common complaints, but their emotional nature can also make them vulnerable to psychosomatic illness. The Piscean birthstone is the aquamarine. The sea-colored aquamarine becomes invisible when submerged in water. This is an appropriate representation of the shy Pisceans who often wish they could disappear as easily. Flowers for Pisces are the orchid, lilac, wisteria, water lily (lotus), poppy (white), and pansy.

--------
{beautiful lady}

13:13

joke of the week.
-although i look fit, but i can't run.-

--------
{beautiful lady}

13:12

emo?

--------
{beautiful lady}

00:44

why do trouble seem to come in groups.
and wonderful stuff always so scarce.
when will all these mind-troubling stuff ever leave.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.20.2007

23:30

i don't see why people who don't deserve it as much as i do get stuff that they want all the time.
i' envious of such people.
you can call me childish.
but being the one less pampered.
the one with the rougher hands.
the one whom no one cares much about.
i think i deserve something like theirs.
because i'm gullible?
but i'm the one with the ferocious attitude.
the one that makes friends with people who i want to.
i'm picky.
i'm a jealousy pit.
i'm egoistic.
i'm chauvinistic.
i'm irritating.
i'm loud.
but i can't stand anyone who has the same qualities as me.
cause i find them irritating.
i'm a picky friend.
it's hard to find someone as picky as me.
even with friends.
but it seems so hard to find someone that clicks.
with everyone being so keen on egoism and chauvinist.
):
i wonder.
will all my friendship last long?
or will it die out within a few weeks?
like everytime?
i really don't like that feeling.
it hurts everytime someone forgets me.
like knives slashing through my heart.
it's so full of scars.
anyone would be mortified when they see it.
even i am.
am not sure when my mentality can't take it anymore.
seems as though it's getting weaker.
like now.
being here makes me even weaker.

--------
{beautiful lady}

22:34

like to be the first to reach and last to leave whenever i meet up with people.
just makes me feel that i'm not left out.
being left out makes me emo.
like alot of times.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.19.2007

20:14

been going out alot.
to places near school.
and reaching home late.
he and she ain't very happy.
so.
i should be a good girl.
and come home daily.
save me all those cab fare.
like.
$400 in 2 months for cab is bad.
damn bad.
no moolah!!.
anyone wanna be my sponsor??
please.
really.
i'm short of alot of money.
alot alot of money!.
anyways.
being with the sports camp people keeps me away from thinking.
thinking always lead me to emo-ness.
deadly emo-ness.
never felt that way in a long time.
maybe cause i've been hanging around with such great people.
hmmm.
maybe.
library-ed.
1/2 chicken run-ed today.
ssc people-ed.
hongyun.
sherlyn.
jieping.
many, many people.
misses.
al-ameen-ed.
taxi-ed.
12 bucks.
home now.
damn bored.

--------
{beautiful lady}

20:10

i think drinking water after severe ice-cream eating is wonderful.
the process of eating ice-cream is really good too.
but the water after is great.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.17.2007

21:26

i am just so freaking fat!!

--------
{beautiful lady}

21:23

everytime i read something about crushes.
although they have the almost the same content.
but the person that always flashes through my mind is different.
that proves infatuation.
and how fickle-minded i am.

--------
{beautiful lady}

20:37

exploring photography.
fell asleep.
boring pictures.
met the rest while going to ob's booth at atrium.
then canteen1.
lepak.
ken.
davian.
jay.
sebas.
chengfeng.
started the teochew/hokkien crap.
didn't understand much of their conversation.
being a good girl like me.
i went home.

--------
{beautiful lady}

00:41

realised i like to worry about other people alot.
but feel damn awkward when others care about me.
but yet.
i crave for so much attention.
what is it that i want really?

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.16.2007

19:56

feels that recently all that i've ever said mostly is fail la fail la.
continuously.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.15.2007

21:56

i can be such a bitch sometimes.
you wouldn't want to see me being a damn hell fucked up bitch.

--------
{beautiful lady}

20:57

i would love to wield a sword one day.

--------
{beautiful lady}

20:31

--------
{beautiful lady}

16:30

lots of happenings since i last blogged.

sentosa.
muah chee.
lepak.
trying to tan.
screamed.
vivo.
2-0-5.
thumb game.
whacking clemence.
being whacked by everyone.
listening to people's stories.
clemence's.
mark's.
lulu's.
karmen's.
looking up at the night sky.
hoping to see a shooting star.
eskibar.
5 drinks.
drunk.
froze.
some chee hong-ing guys took her number.
akha outing.
lau pa sat.
makan cheer.
cheering.
camwhoring.
esplanade.
photos.
fun.
drank.
seh-ing.
hahahha.
great fun with sports camp people.
my voice changed.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.13.2007

00:12

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.12.2007

22:51

tired.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.11.2007

12:22

the difference between being in love and be loved.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.10.2007

13:53

--------
{beautiful lady}

13:22

i'm not lacking in friends.
i have plenty.
and they are great people.
i love them to pieces, really.
and some of them i call best friends.
but i wish they were best friends like other people have best friends.
because what i want more than anything.
is to have a best friend i can tell anything and everything to.
but i don't have that.

i wish i did.

-this is how i feel all the time-

--------
{beautiful lady}

12:15

had a great time yesterday.
with mudd.
laughed like i've never laughed in a long time.
entertaining each other.
laughing at each other.
accident prone idiots.
movie-ed.
vivo-ed.
toys'r'us.
bye-ed.
met mum and bro and aunt.
dinner-ed.
sunshine-ed.
home-ed.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.08.2007

23:40

look at this post.
i feel this way again.
how?

--------
{beautiful lady}

23:32

i would love to be in the limelight sometimes.

--------
{beautiful lady}

22:14

tkd was a total failure.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.07.2007

20:52

小鬼 is so damn cute.
omg.!!

--------
{beautiful lady}

16:34

neglect-ion.

--------
{beautiful lady}

12:49

realised this blog is all about me.
that's how self-centered i am.

--------
{beautiful lady}

02:12

sports camp was great.
with everyone being enthusiastic about it.
and everyone making new friends.
forming new bonds.
sometimes.
i wonder.
when will i ever get out of my emo circle.
and really get to know someone.
and not always be the spoiler.
being emo.
when everyone's having great fun.
will i always be the outcast.
or will i ever be accepted?
can't seem to find the light.
even though meeting people makes me feel better.
but i don't seem to have the heart to even get to know new people.
even though i seem to be actively participating in events and camps.
i was trying to keep myself at the most enthusiastic point throughout the whole camp.
it's like the longest for me.
forgot to bring the essential items to make me hyperactive.
leaving the impression of me as a screamer.
even though i screamed at the wrong-est time everytime.
everyone lost their voices.
and i still have mine.
not even a single bit damaged.
maybe i really didn't scream at all.
maybe it's just everyone's else's imagination.
maybe i should just be emo for the rest of my life.
and not disturb other people at all.
anyways.
sports camp although was a blast.
think i didn't leave much of an impression in people.
cause i was rather quiet.
and emo.
and everything.
and i was so tired.
keep falling asleep in front of the rest.
feel so guilty.
and so bad.
sometimes.
i should just be abit more considerate.
and not think about myself all the time.
but.
it seems as though no one cares about me.
and thus.
i should just care about myself more.
and not those around me.
i feel i've given them so much attention.
i'm amazed at what i've been doing.
that i seek attention so much.

whatever.
pictures!.

--------
{beautiful lady}

4.06.2007

12:36

finally back!.
after 2 camps.
MES SL camp.
SSC sports camp.
like damn tired.
for 8 days.
i've only slept like 20 plus hours.

--------
{beautiful lady}